Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
