I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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