OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
