Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
