Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
