Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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