I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
