so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
