i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
