This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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