Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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