just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
