Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I puked a lego.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My penis needs a shock collar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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