I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
