My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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