God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
