oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
