I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
