so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
