I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
zippers are such a cool invention
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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