Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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