I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
