RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
