I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
