Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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