In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
