garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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