He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
