You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
