I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
