No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
