i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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