Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
