Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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