Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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