I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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