I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
accomplished twins. life is a go
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
