so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
