did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
