Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
