And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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