Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
pray to the hookup gods
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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