There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
