Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
