We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
