dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
