it was like his penis was on wheels.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
