508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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