I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
