I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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