apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
