remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
